Backup Plans

People are always surprised to hear about my quarter life crisis, like I should be on top of the world right now. But being I still don't have an internship for the spring, and my semester ends on Tuesday... I'm slightly worried about my career path. Even my teachers are suggesting that my graduating class should look for a job to make some money instead of a long term career. I don't want to talk about how upsetting that is. Instead, I took this as an opportunity to explore what I could be good at, not long term, but just to pay the bills. I did some soul searching and This is what I think I'd be good at:


Dog whisperer- I am unnaturally gifted with dogs. I could definitely give Caesar Milan a run for his money while I get to play with puppies all day.
Author- I am well aware that I won't be the next great American author, but I really think I could bang out some chicklit relatively easily and an advance from a publisher could be enough to pay the rent.
DJ- Not to toot my own horn, but I make really good play lists. Give me a mood and limewire and I will wow you.
Theme Party Planner- I live for theme parties. I could almost pee myself thinking about how fun this job would be.
Scarf Knitter- Who doesn't love a nice scarf? I can't knit anything else, but I can produce a bangin scarf.
Therapist- I don't have a degree but I can talk you through a crisis like no other. I think its my voice, its very soothing.
The person who decides what a movie should be rated- I love movies, I love inappropriate humor and dirty jokes and violence. I think this job would incorporate all of this.
Set designer- Did you ever look at the set for Juno or Garden State? Its genius. I would also enjoy hiding weird stuff in the background.
Photo developer- My friend worked for a one hour photo in high school and I was always really jealous that she got to peek at people's personal lives and embarrassing pictures. This is my chance.
Masseuse/Back Scratcher- I can massage like I have extra fingers. And don't even get me started on my scratching abilities. It does make my soul feel weird because it slightly reminds me of a sex worker, but I could deal with that depending on the pay.
Perfume maker- This just sounds fun to me. Like those kits you get when you're ten.
Candle maker- Dip some string in wax. I'm capable. I think I could listen to books on tape while I did it too, so that's a plus.
Next top model crew member- I would pay you to let me hold the Que cards for Tyra. The shit I would witness would be well worth it.
Lip gloss sampler- I love lip gloss and I have full-figured lips, I think thats all you need for this job.
Art teacher- High school art classes are basically study hall with charcoal and I could handle that. I also find high school kids humorous.
Professional Googler- I don't know if this is a job, but I am SO good at googling. I think I was born for it.