Turns out people are kind of assholes in the blogosphere.

Ignore that I just said "blogsphere".

Anyway, I started my blogging internship a few weeks ago, and so far so good. I get to look for gossip all day and then post my opinions on it. Sometimes I get an assignment to write from a certain perspective and cheese it up to make everyone feel all warm and gooey inside, but I can handle that, who doesn't love warm, gooey cheese?

There were some unexpected set backs. For one, it turns out I am deathly afraid of commenters. Holy hell they are mean! I got an assignment to write an open letter to the "mean people" (their words not mine) that are calling Jessica Simpson fat. I was supposed to tie it into eating disorder awareness week, and be really angry at people who think they have a right to make these comments.

Oh. My. God. Readers did not like that at all. The comments started out being really lovey and yay- for-positive-body-image, and all the sudden they turned on Jessica (and a little on me too). The shit hit the fan. They were pointing out rolls and psycho-analyzing her eating habits since Ashlee stole the spot light. It was bad news, I had no idea people were so passionate about Jessica Simpson's back fat. I imagine comments could be way, wayyyy worse, but it was a little shocking.

I also underestimated how stupid I would feel about this blog after working on a professional one. I contemplated re-imaging, or picking a better focus, but then I got lazy. I also thought about shutting it down and never logging in again so I didn't have to read angry comments, but then I would have nowhere to complain... so here I stay.

Anyway I'll keep you updated with my adventures in blogging, or you could aways check out the comments on CollegeCandy. I have to refrain from telling everyone to suck it, but you sure don't have to. Either way, its pretty entertaining.

I'm Back!

Its been tooooo long, but fear not, I come bearing gifts. In attempt to win back the five people who actually read this, here is your daily dose of cuteness: a little something called The Puppy Bowl.



I'll have some more posts today, lots of complaing, lots of updates, you know the drill. Its slushy and gross out and I don't feel like doing real work.

My excuse note:

To Whom it may concern,

Please excuse my absence from this blog for the next few days. Unfortunately I have started my internship the week before I am moving back into my apartment and starting classes and going back to my other job so I will be unable to attend our daily(ish) updates. I will be sure to make up all the blogs I have missed and should be back into the swing of things by early(ish) next week. Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,
Your favorite (tardy) blogger

PS I will probably updating less in general because I'm at CollegeCandy now and I really don't have that much to say.

Fuck Yeah!

I was checking out my daily blogs this morning and came across this over at The Frisky. FuckYeah!RyanGosling, is hilarious and sexy, and I almost wish I thought of it first. It's kind of like a mix of Lolcats and Postsecret, and will soon be a new addiction. I included one of my favorites above. Other notable postings include "Hey Girl I love listening to your stories about what a bitch Kathy is", and "Hey Girl Eff it lets get a taco".

Clearance Haze

Every year for my birthday, I go clearance shopping for new clothes. I insist on waiting til after the holidays because everyone is getting rid of their winter stuff to make room for the new spring lines. Basically I can get double the product for half the price.

But there's a down side too... of course. Sometimes the clothes are ugly. I mean, that happens any other time you shop, but when it comes to clearance shopping, the odds are in ugly's favor. But if you did you can get some awesome stuff for really inexpensive.

I also tend to go a little, oh, I don't know... INSANE? I start seeing 60% off and grab anything that comes my way. I might not like it when its $30, but when its $10, I want three of them. And them I'm left with a bunch of clothes that aren't really my style, or aren't so flattering, or a lot of the times I don't know how to wear it.

Take the shirt above. I purchased it at Old Navy for $9.95 and apparently I was blinded by the sale because I can't seem to figure the freaking thing out. When I put it on I don't know where the hem should sit. Do I leave it at my waist like a normal shirt, so that it looks like a puffy, patterned, sack? Or do I pull it low on my hips to look like a pear? And whats with the sleeves, are they puffy as well? Any way I try it, it isn't so good. Don't get me wrong, I'm wearing it as i write this (I intend to get my $10 worth) but it seems to be the perfect example of my clearance haze, where everything looks as good as the discount they are giving me.

Big Ups to Brooklyn

The Real World: Brooklyn premiered last night on MTV. I had been avoiding The Real World for several seasons, missing the days of Genesis and Flora, Irene, Melissa and even Tonya and her kidneys. When Brooklyn was announced I thought maybe my faith could be restored, maybe the reign of drunken whorey idiots was over. So I tuned in. It took an extra caste member, but i think classic Real World is back! House mates even have to get their own jobs like in the early seasons of RW.

Side note: I didn't notice, but I'm assumming the intro, "seven strangers picked to live in a house...", changed? But how much did it change? I'm worried.

Of course there are still stereotypes, the "uber-religious Mormon virgin" (Chet), the "gay guy" (JD), the "Black girl" (Devyn), the "retired lez" (Sarah), the "All-American Pretty Narcissist" (Baya, and Scott, both so boring I couldn't remember their names), but there are some twists too. Katelynn is the resident male to female transgendered, and I actually feel nervous for her. Three months after her surgery and shes throwing herself into inevitable controversy. I mean, the first episode the Mormon already squealed that she "touched my nipple!", cooties were exchanged for sure. And Ryan is (twist number two, Iraq war vet) staring at her non-existent junk. But I feel like Katelynn could be the new Pablo (gay, HIV+, San Fransisco) in the way that she could be the face of LBTG and tell Chet hes a moron, so good for her.

Now on to Chet and Ryan, as stupid as they are, they're relationship is my favorite. I love that Ryan asked Chet if he "left his balls in the sink to fit in those tight pants", and that they sang to each other in a boat over looking the New York skyline. What can I say? I'm a sucker for bromance (not the Brody Jenner kind though). I really enjoy them separately as well. Ryan's and his dry sarcasm,(even if he does come off as an asshole) and the Gay rumors hovering over Chet crack me up. Hipsters and gays, the two can be very confusing to distinguish which will only make for an entertaining season. (For the record I think he could be Gay, hiding behind his religion).

I also like Sarah although her need for deep meaningful conversation this early in the season annoyed me. Even though she was really aware that she was on The Real Work, she was fun and bubbly and had a cute Monroe which is hard to pull off because that is a stupid piercing.

I won't discuss how much I love that house and how I will probably never even live in that neighborhood now because it will become insanely expensive simply because of MTV. But judging from this season's clips, it should be a good time. I'm especially excited to find out why Sarah is yelling into the phone "How did you get this number!?!" Is it a stalker? An ex lez?? Ah, I'm hooked already!

I don't appreciate:

1. Being so absent minded that I put face wash in my hair instead of on my face because I forgot that I just washed my hair two seconds ago... Oh and its the kind with the exfoliating beads. I've done this two days in a row now.

2. Getting a $1,500 dollar estimate on my car that will leave me with a black hood and a beige car. Even though I don't appreciate this, I might be able to make this better. Maybe a mural? I'm thinking something very Sergent Pepper's.

3. A thermostat set at 65.

4. Wanting every single one of Cher's dresses in Mermaids but knowing they would look horrible on me. Damn you Cher.

5. Light V-8 Fusion. Seriously? You're going to sell me diet vegetable juice? I think that's called water.

6. My twitching eye.

7. My constant craving for a cheesy gordita crunches.

I am going to get back under the covers now because it is cold and I have no car and all I really want is a gordita but I have no way to get one, but wouldn't even eat it even if I could because I want those freaking dresses to look good on me. Sigh.

Good Question

Um, there's a lot of singing? Sometimes Kathy Griffin whispers obscenities in my ear. I imagine there's glitter everywhere, the annoying kind you can't ever get off... kind of like in Labyrinth?There's a constant commentary, once in a while its British or has a Boston accent. There are a lot of mental images- its a very visual place (think MoMA mixed with YouTube)... overall its pretty random.

I want to be in Pandora's box

Sorry about the title. I don't even know what that's supposed to mean. But it sounded dirty, and we all know how I feel about dirty jokes.

But anyway, on with the blog!

I know I'm really late to jump on the Pandora.com bandwagon, like months and months late. But as of today I am a huge fan. After my friend's computer crashed, I've been terrified to use limewire. So what's a girl to do who won't pay for music? Settle for my same tired tunes? Eh, I've been jonesing for new music so that's not really a solution. Myspace music? No. Just no. But FM radio makes me insane. I mean I love Britney but there's only so many times I can listen to "Womanizer" in an hour. So I finally decided to listen to the countless people who told me to try Pandora.com. I'm a little ashamed to say it was my 60 year old aunt who first told me about Pandora, but can we just pretend I am trendier and savvier than Aunt Pat? OK, good, thanks for that. I feel like maybe I can redeem my street cred by spreading the good word of this musical prodigy.

I have to say, I am really stupid for not taking this advice sooner. I don't even want to count how many times I have listened to 99 luft balloons on my iTunes, when I could have been exploring the deepest nooks of the internet for new music in a single click of the touchpad. When I typed in "Vampire Weekend" (if you haven't heard of this band, I highly recommend that you do) I welcomed one of the best play lists I have ever heard. Well, I guess its not a play list as much as radio station but lets not get technical here. As long as its a radio station without the commercials and DJs and repetitive brainwashing, its fine with me.

So far, I've found a ton of new bands I like. And if Pandora plays something I don't like, I give it a thumbs down and it stops playing and disappears forever. The first time that happened Pandora sent a little pop up apologizing profusely. I actually felt a little guilty... It was like an abused housewife who made her husband turkey pot pie instead of meatloaf. The pop up said something like "I'm so sorry that will never happen again, please don't hit me". But I like pot pie, so all is right with the world.

When I give a song a thumbs up, Pandora adds similar bands and songs to the station. I haven't really played with any other features because I really just wanted to listen to some new music while I caught up with my gossip sites, but it looks like you can send Pandora to your phone or even check out a friend's personal station. Thumbs up Pandora, thumbs up.

I know I'm not Mickey Rourke

Man, what would we do without CraigsList? I wouldn't be able to look for jobs or apartments, get rid of an unsellable piano... and this guy below would be out of a job. Lets take a minute to laught at the cock-photographer and appreciate the beauty that is Craigslist.

"Craigslist Penis Photographer" featuring Bob Odenkirk - watch more funny videos

Update: if the video is cutting off on screen, here is the link.

How I spent my Winter Break

Oprah, the glossies, and self-help books all recommend writing down how to you spend your time and then using that information to become more efficient. I respond better to visuals, so in my attempt to become a millionaire, I went with a pie chart (included at right, click to enlarge). What do you think? In my opinion, it looks like its going to be very difficult to find the time to become a millionaire. Between watching television and arguing, I barely find the time to groom, much less start an empire. Life's tough.